Half Laughing by Norwood P. Beveridge The Camden Herald February 13, 1975
“Bird’s-Eye View”
Our anti-migrationist robin, who is usually too dumb to come in out of the snow, dropped by the other day to borrow a can of worms.
As it happened, we were fresh out, but I offered him the morning paper instead, spreading it out on the living room floor, because he has trouble turning the pages.
He had forgotten his glasses, and is a slow reader at best, but in a matter of moments he was hopping mad.
“Look at this,” he twittered. “Yale is threatening to suspend any student in the future who is guilty of “willful and persistent disruption of expression’.”
“Don’t get excited,” I said. “They’ll never make it stick. Not if the student has an uncle on the Supreme Court. Besides, he can always transfer to Harvard.”
“You’re missing the point,” he said. “American society is just one big cesspool of oppression”
Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” I replied, “I see Dave Dellinger has been invited to speak at UMO this week.”
I should hope so,” said the robin, “After all, what is a Distinguished Lecture Series for?”
“Darned if I know,” I said. “So what else is new?”
“How does this strike you? asked the robin. “Seven women chairpersons in Massachusetts are quoted here as favoring the title “chairman” for the positions they hold.”
“A real step backwards, “I admitted.
“Here’s some good news though, “he continued. “A doctor in Tibet claims she has developed a new ‘pill’. The ingredients are derived from the sterile male offspring of the mating of a yak with a cow, and she is willing to share her formula with the West.
“Too unreliable,” I countered. “Yaks are never around when you really need one.”
“The situation in Asia is bad,” the robin said, ignoring my last remark. “Indira Ghandi has just barred Israel from taking part in the world table tennis championships in Calcutta.”
“that’s the way the political ball bounces,” I explained. “Next thing we know someone will advocate trucking yaks to Wyoming in the name of ‘equal opportunity’.”
“And how about this sheik that wants to buy the Alamo?” he asked.
“I think we should give it to him,” I said. “think of the fuel bill we could stick him for.”
“Now you’re not being serious.” He said huffily.
“I take everything seriously,” I replied. “As a matter of fact, right now I’m very upset about that lady toll booth operator on the Pennsylvania Turnpike who got fired for dallying with a truck driver while on duty.”
“you’re absolutely right,” said the robin. “What’s the use of all this automation if people aren’t allowed to use their extra time constructively?”
“It’s been nice talking with you.” I said. But right now I have to write a column for the Herald.”
“I can take a hint,” he said. “Thanks for the paper. But maybe next time you can dig up a nice fat worm instead?”
